This Curvy Girls Life Podcast
This Curvy Girls Life Podcast
Black Women Dating in 2020 with Sherrie Quannea
Dating in 2020 is all about online dating and it can be a difficult road to navigate. Sherrie Quannea and I are telling our stories and giving you advice on how to make dating in 2020 successful.
Join Jana'e Michelle, host, blogger, & entrepreneur as we discuss "Black Women Dating in 2020" with our special guest, Sherrie Quannea. Sherrie is the owner of boutique production company based in Los Angeles, she holds a masters degree and has traveled the world include hiking up Mount Machu Picchu.
If dating has been frustrating or you just given up, Then this is the podcast for you!
Visit our Blog, Youtube, and Social Media. Click the link below
linktr.ee/curvygirlslife
Sherrie Quannea Socials:
Instagram: http://www.instagram.com/sherriequannea
Website: www.IKEDentertainment.com
spk_0: 0:09
way. Welcome to this curvy Girls Life podcast, a podcast designed to empower and encourage women to be the best and most authentic version of themselves. I am your host. John named Michelle entrepreneur and blogger at this perfect girl's life dot com before we happen to today's episodes. If you are enjoying what you are hearing so far, I would love for you to hop on over and subscribe and raid us on iTunes or whatever platform you're listening on. For more information on our blogger podcast and for a free printable, be sure to visit us at this perfect girl's life dot com. Now let's happen to today's episode Hello and welcome back to another episode of this curvy girls life podcast. I am your host, Gina and Michelle, and today I have a special podcast because I have my very first guest. We have a sherry Quin es or she goes by sq, and you could see her in the queue numbers, but sherry military Ashley met in college. Sherry is a really good friend of mine, but this young lady is also a master degree holder. She has traveled the world. She owns her own company, I mean, this is just one of those people that I am I minor, and I am entirely you are Does it sound like I don't know what they are doing? I need to hold on to that one of these days with things, right. So as we go along today, I will make sure that Sherry's information is in the description box so you can hop over to our Instagram. Plus, you know, before we start this podcast, she was spitting hot the hot fire. I'm talking like in belle boob. So in order to see the pictures of that, you're gonna have to follow her on her instagram. So today we are actually going to be talking about dating.
spk_1: 2:26
Can I just like rats there? You know, when I said that what I thought of what? Remember back in the day the making a bad Dylon
spk_0: 2:34
do spit hot by making bae man you back, man, Did I just did it myself with the best prize that was Daschle pales. Okay, Father's father's father? Uh, no, But, hey, if you guys remember, that show was funny because they had to walk to get the cheesecake and the goat milk cream to go with 1000 a ship Russian. But so once again, we're gonna be talking about dating. And I thought the perfect person to sit here and have this conversation with is Sq, because I think we should
spk_1: 3:22
failing at it.
spk_0: 3:24
You're You're actually doing what I think a lot of women want to do, which is actually putting yourself out there to date. A lot of us are just like I wait on him, become me failing in hopes, hopes of about a day. So today we're gonna talk about dating, and then I think our first topic are the first point wanted to talk about was being single and getting into the dating world. So I'll start because I know Sherry has her story. That I'll start. Yes, I'm saying I've actually been single for over five years now. It's just crazy to me. Um, but the first few years after my divorce, I was not trying to date, so they even people isn't a thought. I didn't want to be dating. I don't wanna be in the relationships. I have to work on me now. I'm at a point in my life where I am looking forward to finding someone who I can date. However, however, I have tried the online dating being, and Angela ain't for me. So this particular park ass is probably gonna be deemed adults only way. Some of the stories that I got relating hosts are just too much. But what I found, at least for leaving a black woman trying to date, is I felt like then our little standoffish these days. Or maybe it's because, especially online, they feel like they may have options. You can talk to this girl and not even realize that the other girls know that you're talking to these other girls because it's all mine. And so there's no way, thank you. Can't get anonymity. Yeah, and so I feel like they just come and go with the one that's given them the most attention. And then they really don't give you the attention toe, build some for
spk_1: 5:19
that. I don't know if this is true, but I suspect that it is, or like when you're in this white zone and they just white on everything and then based on what they match with, is how they proceed. Like I don't like that I feel like that's a waste of my time in Italy. I read it. But if you don't put nothing on your profile in you tell that still telling me something,
spk_0: 5:42
cause I think that's one of things about online dating is for and and I hate to say this, but I felt like I was, like, super picky. And I'm not trying. I don't think I was, like, unreasonable. Yeah, but like a public, you didn't take the time that we just put a description, something, something about yourself in the description. But I didn't know I wasn't. I'm not about to try and find out.
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You obviously too busy
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Your life is moving too fast. When you couldn't even say my
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name is father to lie, Introduce
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yourself or you don't do, uh, a profile like, you know, description. But then you just have, like, one random ass picture that's like it could be you Or could be the character Could be a cut sitting on the
spk_1: 6:27
table, The elbow. I don't know. I'm
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not happening. So I found myself being very light. No, if you didn't have a description, I was cool. You had, like, one photo. I was who? It was one photo and it was blurred. Or like not even a good photo. I was booed. See,
spk_1: 6:46
I've got an evolution in that when you know, because you were like the main person that's going on on me about folksy. But when I first started doing at dating, I just thought it was all fun. And when you gave me the option to log about it, you long asked anybody, Let's talk like I I love a good story. Shenanigans are my favorite. So I would slide and it will be this do like one of my first slights, and that was my bad for not paying attention. He was in some leather shorts with a caller. I have no idea what I thought was happening, but I swapped donor, and when I realized that he was in leather shorts in a collar, I was just like, Oh my God, I need to talk to this man and I need to understand what I was what is happening. And so we imagine I was like, Oh, show now,
spk_0: 7:47
now, the thing I loved about your journey as much when you first started doing the block. It was so inner like. And it's so funny because I think when I first started reading and I'm sure other people probably just like this then came like this can't be true. And then I have my own tender horse story house like them that actually happens. Blast must be
spk_1: 8:15
like in my evolution. And again, thank you for reeling you back in. I was just, like, fascinated by the story. So I wasn't actually dating with the right intention. Knew I was dating for the shenanigans. And I'm like, Oh, this is gonna be hysterical. And so I would be like in these really crazy situations with these dudes that I genuinely have no interest in dating. But I'm fascinated by the best people that happens to me in life life. So in dating life, it was just a whole another level, Like I could get fixated on a person in general because you just seem interesting to me and I wantto know, knew. But then you add like a dating scenario where dudes like projecting a whole different energy here. I Oh, okay. So what about this? What happens when this happens? And then they started trying to take you down that sex, dungeon and island. It's a wrap. Let me tap out
spk_0: 9:16
for you. What was the what was the jump of what happened? Where you went from that to being a person of dating on and more like this, Like for Ellis is what I'm looking
spk_1: 9:26
for now. So I have a Siri's of friends being one of them. Okay, let me let me walking back so I can be happy. Single and I can be single for a very long time and still be having a very good life. And time was passing years were passing. And remember, I was getting close toe 10 years single, and it was like I was having a pretty diesel eyes, and I just wasn't really engaging. But it was like if you want to actually be in a relationship where you can kind of like bills forward with someone in port into them, that you're gonna have to start taking this a bit more seriously and in the process of taking it more seriously, I was able to kind of like, engaged with men and figure out where I am and who I am now because I mean, I was a legend for seven years, and then you go from seven years in a relationship to 10 years of no nothing. Like, there was a whole lot of change that it happened in my life. Like I didn't even really know who I was in relation to dating. So after fish shenanigans phase, there was still like shenanigans. But I just wasn't entertained by them. I was annoyed because at this point, I'm trying to make that conversion. But then, like once I made the mental shift, I think I started being different men like different types of men. Not all of the woman that I wanted to date, but just different, like word serious. So I'm not serious. But I was able to make that I was able to put them where they need to be faster. Yeah, So late now, when I don't I don't really do the dating out. I really like when the scary it's like the whole world was like a whole heartfelt
spk_0: 11:28
Yes, someone should make that a war
spk_1: 11:30
plan, so I should make it. Um but it was like you started being able to kind of pick things out like I'm still all in dating APS, but I don't. They're not all my phone. So it's like something has to happen that makes me kind of two back in the dating at It's that
spk_0: 11:52
so Something that really stuck out to me with that. You just say it was Well, you kind of made that shit. You attracted different kinds of me. Yeah, And what I like about that is I think maybe that's where I'm coming in this light kind of weird phase because I was in a relationship basically four, 15 years, 10 years together, five years Mary and then you're single. And of course, being in a relationship with somebody basically for 15 years and then all of a sudden not be in a relationship. It's kind of a world changing. Everything was different. Like online dating wasn't a thing When we first got t absent, all this stuff was not obey. I'm and maybe it's just me. Maybe I'm telling my age, I am definitely more old school like I like meeting people is not me. Flirt with me and give me that look. I be online situation. As I mentioned earlier, the light guys but like they got a pick of the women and so they're really not committed to anybody. They're common seeing who bites first, right? Instead of like, if there's somebody that actually may find entertaining this online making with the way speaking with you don't necessarily go with that. You're gonna go with the person's gonna give you the most attention in the moment.
spk_1: 13:18
And that's also service that How do you get, like, it's difficult to get to the next place. Like if you're just, you know, she gained a little rhythm over here and she's being here with you. No, I'm saying, like you're not actually having meaningful connections or conversations. You're just basically what's up exactly. And that
spk_0: 13:38
s o so for me. And what I noticed is in this next phase after, like, in order for me to find the person for me, that mental shift has to happen because I'm noticing my I have, like all the guys from the past showing up Yes, like cattle things like Okay, well, no disrespect, but you're in the past, there's supposed todo it was like, but then I kind of question myself thinking I just attracting like the same type of do because then I looked at the dudes that are baby, You know, my dad, they are all kind of, like different looks and stuff like that. But like,
spk_1: 14:20
yeah, through line is the bank
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there? And I was like, Okay, I'm no for back. I don't want that. And I feel like that's kind of where I'm at now. It's like there's this mental shit happening for me because I just I know what I want out of life. And I know that the minute I did before aren't the men. Yeah, that's right. But I feel like that's what's also making this dating life a little bit harder because I'm like, I don't like that guy. I don't want to be on a line dating at E. I feel like
spk_1: 14:49
you own. There. He way. Can't I feel like the This is all part of the process is kind of schlepping off old habits, old standards like like just getting through all of this letting go the things that need to be let go of and kind of leaning into the things that you need. Kate do like there's certain things about, you know I like a certain things like I'm drawn to and attracted to a certain type of man. And I try to date No. You need to open yourself laughing, broaden your horizons and see what's out there. Okay, But there's certain things that if that's not there, I'm not gonna not gonna hold my attention. Like I'm just not gonna be interred new. So I kind of have it light. Go through that process and figure out what this is. This has to be that, like, I This is what I got. So I think that, you know, I went through a phase where a lot of exes were popping up. And maybe that just helps, you see, because they obviously are that thing, And then you can see based on where you've been, you know, get more clarity on where you're trying to go
spk_0: 16:03
faster. Like what you're hearing so far. Make sure you never miss an episode by clicking that subscribe button. Right now, this episode is made possible by listeners like you. So thank you so much for your support. Now let's get back to the show. So I guess my next question would be what are some of the obstacles that you see in dating right now in the 23 months into doing it. Doing it felt within the last year. What are some of the obstacles that you see?
spk_1: 16:43
Wow, you have to call sermon, Philip, talk about the obstacles that are made because I have been my own greatest obstacle. I have, you know, a bit of a short attention span. I'm busy all the time. And so because I'm busy, and I could be comfortable being not comfortable, but I could be content and at peace being single. I'm not always just willing Thio drop my life just because it's do calling on Thursday. And he wants to go off for drinks Thursday night like No, no, the stars that No, I'm not. Huh? We're not doing that. So I had no kind of decide whether or not that was something that I'm gonna change that or like, Like, how am I gonna process that? Because apparently this last minute stuff is the thing. And I don't really have last minute frequent like that. And if I don't know you, like, if I'm not already kind of like filling you, I'm not invested to change, to make the change like I'm not invested enough to change my plans. And so I realized, like I'm gonna have to make some adjustments with that. I get by legit, wanna meet someone or connect with someone, and I tend to gravitate towards an end that are very busy as well. Then I might ask like I might need to ease up on that. But I realized that when I made that kind of again mental shift, I'm dating dudes who are busy. So typically, if he calls me on a Thursday like legit, that was the only, you know time that he had available. So let's get together. But in general, people who are busy client Yeah, and like if I'm respecting your time, respect, mind. So if we're both busy people and the first day we can get together is you know it's Tuesday. But the first time we came together is next Monday, because life is just all right. Next day I put it on my calorie, put it on your calendar, and let's work it out now. If in the course of that you get a pocket of time well, Wednesday night and I have a pocket of time always saying I'm more prone to be like, Yeah, let's do that
spk_0: 19:06
But I thought that comes to this whole situation like that kind of microwave mentality where everybody wants everything kind of right away, which is a part of social media, because you couldn't get information you could get in contact with people. You could text somebody like all these things are really quick. And I feel like that's why people are so quick to be like, Hey, let's meet tomorrow and you're kind of like, uh, I have plans, like, you know, So I haven't like we really took us that back and look at dating over the years. If you met somebody on a Friday night that were turned into get your number, that would have turned into a phone call and then that will turn into a day so there's usually like.
spk_1: 19:44
But if you let someone on a Friday night you met them. Yeah, like I'm standing in front of you and I met you, So if you were like, Hey, let's get together later tonight. I just let you like I a bug like I felt revived enough to be like, Oh, yeah, you know, San. But if you just like right on me and I swiped right on you and all it was was Hi. Hi. Let's grab a drink. I might not do that.
spk_0: 20:11
Actually, I feel like everything is moving so quickly where people come. But I also feel right because things are moving quickly. That's part of the issue. To me, with online dating is that they're gonna like Forgive me. I'm not grouping all of me in. So don't get mad at you guys. I feel like because if I'm not available on Tuesday, but Sally is available on Tuesday you want? But I was out, right? And then if I'm available next Friday. But then Sally said she was available Friday and you already went out with her like it was like, it's gonna person that's always gonna be like
spk_1: 20:49
Yet somebody might be more accessible. Yeah, you
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know, like that doesn't necessarily. So I just feel like that right now is just really like everything better. Body wants to move super quick. Hi. Great.
spk_1: 21:03
I understand we're staying. I don't worry about salad, like Sally is accessible, and that's all it all it took and we weren't talked like there was no other way that we were kind of like connecting you. But Sally just happened to be available enough, that's what it wa ce That's what it's supposed to meet you going, love.
spk_0: 21:29
So, you know, I think for me personally, I miss the idea of courting that that cause I kind of felt like that's where you kind of fell in. It was like this person. It amazes me that you have those moments of light I like. I can't wait for his call or I can't wait to see them again. When Now is kind of like you available Tuesday? No. Okay. And then you may not That person make ghost June for, like, a week because they have met Sally Jan home, back and Becky. And then all of a sudden salad, Jan and Becky and available. But now you're back on the radar. Hey, did you get that text? What? You don't you d'oh! I have really w Why d thing? What does
spk_1: 22:13
that mean? Wonder like you really don't know that I have no idea. What is that me? What do you know Why Don't you just say that we had a whole situation over that, But I'm He was wasting my time. So I decided Boy stays here. Forgive me,
spk_0: 22:27
but I think it reminds me of that. And I wish under the name of it was that cartoon that you sent it to me. The dating cartoon. It was the black lady. Yeah. Animator. I can't beat her. Name
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is I know what you're talking about, John. I
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j I think it's J you auntie, and she's on YouTube. But
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I remember the cartoon. Yeah,
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it goes like this dude, they got together. But then he showed to dinner and he just, like, not very interesting you saw. Checked out, backed out. And the
spk_1: 22:58
one word answers like, Why are we
spk_0: 22:59
here? They part ways home. Well, what's he just ghosted, disappear, Disappear with what we played. It was like, Hey, you know what she was like, What I like that animation was like so on point with how dating is today is like where guys just come to expect you to be be available when they're available. But I think it's because you have this online hideous persona because somebody is available and is like so, but no, but But I feel like because of that, I find me and art as invested. They're not making the time to become invested in somebody because they're just gonna go with the person. You have to give them the most time immediately.
spk_1: 23:41
But so in my growth and evolution, that dude is not for me anyway. You know? I mean, like, let's say I made myself available. Well, is I mean, if he's nationally bubble syndrome and it all, all of, you know, accessibility, the nods there, that's just probably not do right do to me in the grand scheme of things anyway. And I'm not gonna move faster than I want to move. I'm just not like that's just what it iss like. I was briefly very briefly dating this dude, and I doesn't like I was checking his live, and he was one of the first things he said to me was he was very busy, like he didn't have this very you didn't have. He had, like, a schedule that was all over the place, and I was like, bet showed why, like my schedule is crazy and so the first time we met was one of those last minutes For the moment Hey, were you doing on free? I'm free. Let's go. So we met up for coffee and it was great. And so he was like, Hey, I'm not ready t o go home, Want to go do this? And so we went for pancakes and anyone who humbles me. Pancakes are the way. So we wouldn't Burbank eggs and it was great. And so the first day last until midnight and then we part ways. Couple days later, we got together again. Everything's great. But then he started trying to, like, catch me at the last minute like things always at the last minute. And I got busy No. One on the 1st 2 dates. I was on a break, so I was home for, like, a week or so. But after that, like things picked up and I was busy again and he started getting flustered because I was busy and he would like, hit me up with, like, these 9 to 5 hours. And I said, How does it work? The 9 to 5 job. So for me to be working Intel Mint, I is not unusual that he was like, Well, I don't see how this is gonna work. Dude, you own working 9 to 5 job like your schedule is not like that.
spk_0: 25:54
And you made that clear when I
spk_1: 25:57
said what I meant what I said. And so I was like I said prior to this experience with May have you do on Lee typically date over with nine without jobs, and he thought about it. He was like, Yeah, I guess so. I say, because I don't know a single woman who has this much like flexibility in her schedule. Like even the female friends. I have that work. 9 to 5 jobs, have some sort of households, huh? Like I don't know anybody who goes to work and comes home at five o'clock and they just at home for me. If I'm at home doing nothing, that's probably on my calendar
spk_0: 26:34
by three time, we'll schedule
spk_1: 26:36
right self care from 5 to 10 or Saturday. So, like, you know, you, that's still not free time. There's still something that's happening during that time. And so he's got like, really I know it was me because and my summation it was like he felt like his hiss. Time was more valuable. Not is. I was just like, Well, you know, this probably isn't the work because I got stuff to do. You got stuff to do and you want me Thio put my stuff down to do what you want, but you don't want to make any room for me because I was like, Well, let's plan something. I'm free on this Tuesday and he was like, Well, you know, I don't know. My schedule's gonna look like I might end up being busy and I was like, Let's just put it on the calendar for Tuesday And if something comes up, just let me know. And he was like, Well, um, and he just wouldn't commit to that. Then
spk_0: 27:30
I was like a commitment.
spk_1: 27:33
It's just a Tuesday, and he was like, almost when we get mad, if you cancel at the last minute. But I'm telling you because I have a similar life that if that if something comes up, I get well, let's send it on the books for tests and he just wouldn't do Oh, you Well,
spk_0: 27:51
I have one final question, and then we are actually going to cut this and we're gonna do a part two to this conversation. And it's actually this isn't a Tom. This isn't a question. This is more or less. What would be your advice for the woman that is R H. Maybe late thirties, early forties older, that is looking today and is having trouble right now. And what will be like your advice for that lady Yeo Hee? Oh, because
spk_1: 28:29
everybody's journey and process is different. So you know those one going through it being patient with yourself because I think we get well, you know, we get flustered and we're ready to be in this relationship when we start trying to will the relationship into existence and settling for things that we would normally never settle for, because it's hard and you just want it to be done. And we're better in relationships when we are seeing. Like Woods, you're not the only one who patient with yourself. And don't be afraid to blow up the spot. Yeah, because I'm bad. I got tap a date out my heart. But you know what? This is great. This is really interesting. I'm so glad I got to have this experience with you and then I'll be like, No, e No, I'm not gonna lie like we don't have to lie. We're grown ups like you don't have to say you're gonna calm, like Know what? Don't even do that. You know, you have to do that. And I feel like a lot of times do they, like, weirded out by that? Because they don't expect him leaving a lot. You're not yet a
spk_0: 29:40
ghosting. Somebody just like you just want to say what it is right here, right?
spk_1: 29:44
Yeah, like this was This was good. This was interesting. Thank you. I appreciate your time, but we are. I just don't find I don't see the reason, Thio, you don't have to be wound. You don't have to be rude, but we don't have to pretend that it's gonna be something that it's not gonna be here. So patient with yourself, you're not the only one. And don't be afraid to tap out spot. Sometimes you gotta blow it up. Sometimes dudes just get, like, two abreast in
spk_0: 30:12
while I'm out.
spk_1: 30:13
And you just gotta be like, dude. Yeah,
spk_0: 30:17
it together.
spk_1: 30:19
Let's take up. Right.
spk_0: 30:20
So for me and this is coming from a standpoint of someone who was in the moment our relationship married, divorced is if you haven't already done. So take the time to figure out who you are because that was probably like the most important important part for me during this last five years. Because, like the first basically agenda for four years doesn't mean I didn't want a date for quite a long time, man. Bill. It was initially I was. Dylan was. But part of my dealing was also taking a look at the relationship and not only getting upset about how it ended or whatever like that, but looking at my party. Yeah, and seeing how was I as a wife house I as a woman how everything like water, But that's a
spk_1: 31:06
great a lot of women ain't looking that self reflection that that's rough.
spk_0: 31:11
Yeah, but I felt like I and I mean, I don't know where this parking from, but I felt like I had to do that because I knew that I had to. I knew that I had to. In order to be in my next relationship, I had to figure out that who that woman Waas. Yeah, the woman I wanted to be is. And the only way for me to do that was to do that reflection time. And now I'm not sure I It was difficult because, Sam, if you put a mirror in front of yourself and you got to do with the first and light in front of a mirror and there were lots of areas in my life where I was that I had to improve. And I'm grateful for that five years because without that and you know, and technically like now that I look at it, I'm grateful that I had a marriage. But I'm also grateful that I have the divorce because it made me who I am today. And it allowed me to grow and see the things that I wanted out of life. But I had to take that time to figure out who I was. So, for women that are going little break up going through a divorce because they just make sure you take the time Just a figure that out there are who you are. Because when we started out, who are you? Bring so much more to the table and your angles kind of release a lot of that baggage.
spk_1: 32:22
You can know that she let them keep pushing. Yeah, you know you are. Yeah. Can nobody come in and define?
spk_0: 32:30
Yeah, because you know, when a guy come up, you can do about it right away, like
spk_1: 32:34
you do not
spk_0: 32:35
know. You know, the worst thing?
spk_1: 32:38
This is not from Dodge,
spk_0: 32:41
and I'm always grateful when I see exactly. Thank you. Jesus, You are pretty, But enjoying this
spk_1: 32:50
visual. But no, no part of you for that whole process. Like you handled that like a champ.
spk_0: 32:59
I appreciate those difficult lying on my I sit here. Sure, if it was some moment, there was lots of always mean. I don't think so. But that's why the reason why that would be my biggest thing to tell people is you are take that time
spk_1: 33:14
and that's in general, not isn't dating.
spk_0: 33:16
Yeah, not just beer is very true, because, I mean, for me, in order for like, for me, it was the divorce that made me go through that. But for other people, you know that something needs to do need to be back in a reflection. You kind of gotta figure out who you are. Just Just just do it is difficult. It's not easy process.
spk_1: 33:33
I think you go that
spk_0: 33:34
way. Got all types of song references up in here? No. Okay, that you guys So much for listening. If you want to hear the rest of our conversation, our next topic is actually gonna be women and dating outside of our race hole. So I definitely want to stay tuned for part two. But I want to say baking to Sherri. We're stopping by and being on podcast. If you want to follow her, I will have all of her information in the description. But so please be sure to check her out. And you've gotta drop the mic on the picture before she is bitten. Hot fire on her Instagram by. So I want to see my love. I want to see Mike's all down the combination to buy up. All right, Thank you guys so much. And until the next podcast, I love you guys. Cases back. Thank you so much for joining us in this week's episode of this curve. A girl's life podcast. Make sure to visit us at our website at this curvy girls Life a dot com where you could subscribe to the show in iTunes, stitcher or via our SS, so you'll never miss an episode while you're at it. If you found value in today's show, we'd appreciate a rating on iTunes. Want Maur? Sign up at this curve a girl's life dot com for our monthly newsletter and are free printable Sze. And don't forget to follow us on Instagram and Twitter at Curvy Girls Life. Be sure to tune in next week for our next episode. Thank you guys so much for joining us today. And beautiful people have a good one. See you next week is bye.